7 easy ways to know if you can fix the relationship or if it's time to breakup
Unfortunately, unhappiness in relationships is a common challenge. Unlike our favorite romance novel or movie, real relationships are not perfect, and they require time, effort, and patience.
However, if you find that the only thing left in the relationship is love, then love alone will not be enough to sustain the relationship. Eventually, it will fall apart.
Here are a few things to consider when you are trying to figure out if you have hit a rough patch in your relationship or if it’s time to let go and move on.
#1. When you live in past memories more than the present
Do you spend a lot of time reminiscing about the past? If the answer is yes, that’s okay. Thinking about the past and looking back on the good times isn’t a bad thing until it is all you have to hold on to.
There is a difference between thinking about the past and having to live in the past. Sometimes, it feels good to revisit the past because we’ve experienced it, and we know the outcome.
Reflecting on the past is similar to binge watching an old series. The best part is that we know the story line, and we know we are going to have a good time and get a good laugh.
When you are in a relationship, your best memories should be made in the present, they should not be something of the past. If you find that you are spending a significant amount of time revisiting the past to find enough value in the relationship to stay, it is time to let go and move on.
#2. When the relationship brings you more pain than joy
We are typically compelled to love someone when we find some connection. This opens us up to letting them into our world, but the reality is that loving someone is a choice.
When pain arises in a relationship, it is because we entered the relationship with some expectation of the other person, and we become disappointed when those expectations go unmet.
During the early part of a relationship, it is important to be honest with yourself and see the other person for who they truly are, not who we desire them to be.
When the relationship brings more pain than joy, we must accept things as they are and take the necessary step to let go, walk away, and move on.
#3. When you stay with them expecting they will change
We are all inundated with millions of messages saying we should look for and find love—so much so that it begins to make you feel inadequate or damaged if you are not in a relationship.
We’ve all fallen victim to the world’s picture of love, and it pulls at our hearts. The images posted across the web and on social media reminds us that we should be in pursuit of love, and most times, it is at our own expense.
The reality is we are all on our way into or coming out of an experience that requires some healing. Where you are in the midst of a healing journey, it is important to remain single because the heart is fragile, and your ability to open up to giving and receiving love will be impacted.
Often times, we have not completely healed yet when we try to move forward in a relationship. When we date someone with the expectation that they will become a different person at some point, we aren’t giving them or ourselves a fair chance.
If you believe some will be a great partner when they are healed, love them enough to give them the time and space to become a great person for themselves before being in a relationship. If you care, set them free to work on themselves.
#4. When you keep justifying their actions to yourself and others
Justifying bad behavior in relationships does more harm than good. When you justify your partner’s behavior, you are setting yourself up for a difficult road ahead. Once you’ve gone down this path, it will be nearly impossible to change it.
Yes, you may love that person, but if that person truly loved and cared for you, they would not do things that could cause damage to the relationship.
When you find that you keep justifying your partner’s poor behavior to yourself and others, it is time to let go and move on.
A healthy relationship requires both trust and respect. When your partner breaks your trust and doesn’t treat you with respect, it’s time to stand up for you and walk away.
#5. When they are causing you emotional/physical/verbal pain
There are some things in relationships that cannot be tolerated under any circumstance. Causing emotional, physical, or verbal harm is one of them.
When you care for someone, you want the best for them, and you do not want to injure them because hurting them will cause you to experience the same pain.
If you are dating someone who has no regard for your overall well-being, the only option you have is to let go and walk away. You cannot be flexible, you cannot give them another chance, and you cannot turn a blind eye to their actions.
If you allow someone to violate you by causing emotional or physical harm, the pain will continue to escalate.
#6. When your values and beliefs are different
Sometimes, we want to be flexible, but there are some things that are deal breakers. When it comes to values and beliefs, it is important that you and your partner are on the same page.
You will find tons of other areas in your relationship that will require some compromise, such as what you will have for dinner or where you will travel for vacation. However, your values and belief are deeply ingrained—they can be considered part of your DNA.
Your values and belief determine your decision-making process and how you approach the challenges of life. If you are in a relationship with someone who has conflicting values and beliefs, you will be in for turbulence at the first sign of a challenge.
If you find that you and your partner cannot come to an agreement on things that are linked to values and beliefs, you should not take things any further with the relationship.
If things are complicated and you cannot work through challenges now, struggles will only become more intense following marriage and become even heavier with the addition of children.
#7. When neither of you feel the same way about each other
All things shiny and new are exciting, but at some point, the newness will fade. The honeymoon phase will not last forever, but you should always feel deeply connected to your partner and have a desire to be in their company.
If one or both of you have come to a place of feeling removed or disconnected from the relationship, it is time to let go. Holding on when the fire has completely burned out will only cause bitterness within your heart.
Set each other free to eventually experience love again.